Attention, Sad Bastards: Denmark is the Happiest Place on Earth and We Now Have Video Evidence
So yer mopin' around because it's been a long, cold winter. Boo effin' hoo. Well, turn that Death Cab Sad Bastard music down for a minute and take a cue from the Danes:
If it is happiness you are seeking a move to Denmark could be in order, according to the first scientist to make a world map of happiness.
Adrian White, from the UK's University of Leicester, used the responses of 80,000 people worldwide to map out subjective wellbeing.
Denmark came top, followed closely by Switzerland and Austria. The UK ranked 41st. Zimbabwe and Burundi came bottom.
Want proof? Denmark's current top musical export is a song called "Fascination" by some overly-cheerful young Dane-things called Alphabeat. Imagine if "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, "Modern Love" by David Bowie, and "Tenderness" by General Public got together to have intimate relations that are illegal in 35 states - the resulting love-bastard would probably sound like this song. Here's the video, try not to go into a diabetic coma watching it:
Naturally, some brilliant DJ named Dunproofin' bootlegged a mashup of this song with The Futureheads' mighty-clever "Hounds of Love" cover. How ya like them apples, Kate Bush? Check it out here.
Special bonus confirmation evidence that Danes are the goofiest goons on Odin's green earth, "Rhythm Bandits" by Junior Senior: