Oh, the adventures I've had
Don't remind me that it's been a while. That's like reminding James Brown that he, in fact, is the Godfather of Soul. The good news is that I am neither dead nor in jail. Where've I been? What have I been up to? Well, sit down before ya fall down and let me tell you all about what I've been up to:
I went to a rave in Pakistan.
I knitted you a sweater. Hope you like it.
I got Thor's autograph! Friggin' God of Thunder himself, dude!
I got a job with UPS. That didn't quite work out.
I got caught up on some reading. I fell a little behind on shirt-wearing however.
I got a haircut.
I got shipwrecked on a desert island. There I befriended a cougar named Barnabas.
I saw this rad barn owl who totally twisted this dude's neck like it was a lid to a pickle jar.
I flew my kite.
I spent some "me time" out on the balcony, just catching some rays and letting the wind blow through my mane-like head of hair.
I kicked this guy's ass. Hard. Don't tell me he didn't have it coming.
I started my fashion-designing and modeling career. Trust me, everybody's going to be wearing my rad threads by this time next year.
I was a jaunty man-about-town.
But mostly, I was just chillin'.