Things that will rock your ass.

Flying V? check. Keytar? check. Yep, I think these crazy kids are pretty much ready to rock your ass.


Lemmy Kielmeister is rocking your ass right now. Tell me I'm wrong.


Wayne Cochran's hair will rock your ass. It's like Donald Trump's combover started taking steroids or someting.

Snoop Dogg's lesser-known uncle, Swamp Dogg, will rock your ass. Warning: giant rodents may be involved.

The Fat Boys will rock your ass. Although they might want to stop for a snack at some point.

The United States of America will rock your ass. Duh.

Remain calm, all is well.

So, obviously I've been away for a while. All I can tell ya is that the Spanish Main don't plunder itself. Since Baby Jesus' birthday is coming up and everything, let's get the action started with some seasonal awesome album covers (caveat: we prefer to celebrate Saturnalia at the Scooby Doo Mansion):


'Cuz anytime you need a laugh, just mention K-Fed. Seriously, the dude is pretty much humor Colt .45 - as in works every time. Just ask Billy Dee Williams.

Hey did you know that Rush is from Canada? They're totally Canadian you know - as any self-respecting Cannuck will tell you less than four minutes into any conversation.

You haven't lived until you've seen Adam Fielitz sing "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" at Tin Cups.

If you're not like me and your hands aren't permanently ink-stained from reading every single issue of Maximum Rock n Roll cover to cover from 1988 to 1993, then maybe you don't know who G.G. Allin was. All I can say is, think of the sickest shit a performer could do onstage and then amplify it to the power of ten. If it was depraved, twisted, and wrong - our man G.G. was on it. This is a textbook example of why you may want to consider NOT naming your child "Jesus Christ." Just a thought.

BONUS B.S.:


Hands down, this is the best genuine dive bar in Saint Paul. Any place that has "Fuck Her Gently" on the karaoke list and will let seven of us get likkered-up for a cumulative $18 deserves some kind of recognition.


Attention foreigners: In America, all arguments are automatically won by the person wearing an awesome stars-n-stripes shirt and an even awesomer mullet. Them's the rules, bub.