Operation: Swashbuckle is well under way

No major news to report or anything. I just thought I'd check in let everybody know that Operation: Swashbuckle is going pretty well. I'm in Real Property week of the BarBri prep course, which was decidedly not my strong suit as a 1L, but I feel like I'm grasping the concepts a lot better know that all I have to do is drill black letter law into my tiny little noggin. Last week was Evidence, which is much more my bailiwick. I finally bought a bike last week and I've been terrorizing Summit Avenue on a pretty regular basis ever since. I even (gasp! shock! horror!) made it into the Y twice last week. I'm going into the office tomorrow afternoon and Friday because we've got a very interesting deposition coming up and I don't want to miss it. More posts forthcoming as warranted by interesting thoughts and events.

Shirts and Swag Designed by The Pirate Now Available

That's right, my "Nobody Knows I'm a Pirate" design is now ready to be emblazoned on flagons of grog, t-shirts, trucker hats, mousepads, you name it. Just click here to visit the store I've set up over at Cafepress and prepare to let the whole scurvy world know of your piratical allegiances! Operators (mostly trained monkeys supervised by parrots) are standing by....

Great Blog Discovery

Apparently, my long lost sister is alive and well and living in Duluth. Her blog is called Big Giant Tampon Commercial. That's right, she said it.
I swear that anyone who drinks an entire bowl of salsa on a $5 bet has to be blood of my blood. Christa, when ya coming down to St. Paul?

Lex-Ham Pizza Luce Update

BREAKING: according to my highly-placed sources, who were present at the city council hearing yesterday afternoon, Pizza Luce's request for a parking space variance was unanimously approved. This means that one major hurdle towards getting a Pizza Luce into Lex-Ham has now been cleared. Up next, getting the liquor license. This may also mean that I need to accelerate prong two of Operation: Swashbuckle so as to be in peak piratical shape for the planned opening in November.

Operation: Swashbuckle

So law school is now officially and completely over. I've wrapped things up at the office and am now on leave until the end of July so I can dedicate myself full time to preparing for and passing the bar exam.
This is also the first time in about 4 years that I'll (hopefully) have enough time to actually put some effort into taking care of myself. Thus Operation: Swashbuckle has now been officially launched, with the double-pronged goals of (1) blowing the scurvy bar exam out of the water; and (2) returning to proper swashbuckling from.

14 hours into it, we're doing pretty good. I got up early practiced lifting heavy cannonballs and swinging from chandeliers with cutlass clenched between my teeth for over an hour. I then cleaned up an wandered over to my bar review class, which has wisely chosen to locate itself right here in Lex-Ham. We didn't actually talk about any substantive law today - just about the test format. So far I'm only 2% panicked at the thought of having to churn out 6 essays, a legal drafting exercise, and answer 200 multiple choice questions under serious time constraints. I expect that number to rise as the test gets closer.

In furtherance Operation: Swashbuckle, I'm finally going to get a decent bike and start pedalling like a mad man. It's no pirate ship, but it'll have to do while I'm landlocked.

I'll keep y'all updated.

Semi-shameless self promotion

One of my semi-professional sideline enterprises is building informational websites about various pharmaceuticals that are alleged to be harmful and have generated litigation (like Vioxx). I just finished building one such site about the birth control patch Ortho Evra, which many women are alleging has caused them to develop internal blood clots that have led to strokes and heart attacks. The known facts do seem to indicate that some level of concern is warranted. I only mention it here because I know that a lot of women use Ortho Evra. If you want to get more information about this, click here.
Ok, all done schilling now. More piracy forthcoming.

My big fat Greek (and Vietnamese) Graduation Party / Beer Bust

No photos yet, suffice it to say that the "now you're messin' with a son of a bitch" cake was a big hit and the keg ran dry before sundown.

The Party by the numbers:
square feet of spanokopita devoured: about 15
pukings / challenges to a duel: 0 (that I know of)
gallons of beer quaffed: probably 10
pitas: 100+
pounds of gyros: I dunno, 25, 30? There was a lot, man.
Vietnamese springrolls: 50+ (AC's relatives from outstate Minnesota tried them all - and approved!)

When we party at the Scooby Doo Mansion, we do it right.

Speaking of snakes on a plane

Personally, I don't recommend getting on the bad side of Scotland's airport cops (security at Glasgow Int'l always seems seriously considering giving me a full cavity search when I arrive there), but to each their own. Right, Naked Rambler?

(AP) LONDON - Britain's "naked rambler," who has had numerous brushes with the law for nudity on land, was arrested Thursday after shedding his clothes aboard an aircraft.Stephen Gough, 47, was on his way to Edinburgh for a hearing at the Appeal Court, where he was challenging four contempt of court citations for nudity in Scotland.

Police arrested the former marine at Edinburgh Airport.

My question is: how to you break the news to the person wedged into the airplane seat next to you that you're going to be taking all of your clothes now?

Round The World

Ryan Parker Knox, who has been a regular at our Wednesday night poker games, leaves on Saturday with his fiancee, the lovely and talented Crystal Rose, on a summer-long trip 'round the world. They're going to get married somewhere along the way (I'm lobbying for Greece).

Click here to check out their travel blog, view the itinerary (it's pretty impressive), and wish them luck.

More proof that bears are godless monkey-killing machines

Agree or disagree with Stephen Colbert (I think he's truthtastic!), he's right on the money about one thing: The #1 Threat to America is Bears - aka " those furry, godless killing machines." I'm not going to post the photo from this story because I don't want to give all you hard-working, bear-fearing Americans nightmares, but check this out:

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.

The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

Apparently those Sloth Bears ain't so damn slothful after all. Word to the wise, friends, today it's Barbary macaques, tomorrow it may be us. Don't say you weren't warned.

The smartest burglars EVER

Apparently the young men pictured above, when not doing Nobel prize-winning research in physics and economics and applying for their MENSA memberships, ran a fiendishly clever cat burglarly ring right here in Ramsey county. Think Cary Grant in To Catch a Thief, only twice as debonaire and thrice as nimble and elusive. Apparently, for the future benefit of humanity, they liked to videotape their cunning exploits. But, not unlike Icarus flying a bit too close to the sun, hubris eventually got the best of these godlike man-boys.
Yep, you guessed it: the local constabulary got their mitts on the tape. The Strib reports:

A sheriff's deputy came across the tape in a stolen video camera that was recovered from a stolen car early Sunday morning in Vadnais Heights after a car chase and crash.

The driver and a passenger fled on foot, eluding the deputy. But in the vehicle, one of two stolen last month in Maplewood, the deputy found a trove from the burglaries.

In the video, the suspects are seen at a basketball court, playing video games and trying to rap. The images are priceless to investigators, Fletcher said.

"Without this piece of evidence, this crime would not be solved," he said.

Authorities were looking for a stolen red Dodge Intrepid with Minnesota license plate LUS 835. Anyone with information about the burglaries is asked to call 651-484-3366.

Priceless to investigators? Oh Bob Fletcher, you simply have no idea how priceless such video is us here at the Scooby Doo Mansion as well. Which is why guests of the mansion can click here to see it for their own bad selves.

New Species of Monkey Found

Let great honk-barkings of joy be heard 'round the world: a new species of monkey has bee discovered in East Africa. National Geographic has the scoop:

"Scientists have discovered a new monkey species in the mountains of East Africa. The new primate, known as the highland mangabey (Lophocebus kipunji), was identified by two independent research teams working in separate locations in southern Tanzania... Except for their furry off-white bellies and tails, highland mangabeys are covered in thick brown fur. The thick coats are an adaptation to the primate's mountain habitat, where temperatures can drop below freezing, researchers say. The species lives at elevations up to 8,000 feet (2,438 meters).The monkeys have black eyelids, faces, hands, and feet. Researchers have yet to directly measure a highland mangabey. But scientists say the primates are about 3 feet (90 centimeters) tall and sport tails of similar length. "

and here is the money quote:

"As adults, the monkeys emit a loud, low-pitched "honk-bark," which is significantly different from calls made by any other primate, Davenport said."

Just a friendly reminder...

Why? Because the world needs more monkeys in glasses, that's why.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is create the perfect caption for this mildly disturbing photo. Guests of the Scooby Doo Mansion, show us what you've got!

Well, that was anti-climactic.

I finished writing my last sundry thoughts on Rule 23(b)(3) class actions, gave my blue books over to the Dean who was proctoring the exam, and walked out of law school. It didn't really feel any different than any other day has over the past three years. I treated myself to some Chinese carry-out, mowed the lawn, enjoyed a few beers and domino games with AC, and put myself to bed by 11:30. Now I'm back at the office, reviewing discovery documents and it's just another Wednesday. Obla-dee obla-da, life really does go on.

Almost there....

After scribbling furiously in several blue books over the course of 3 hours, my Family Law final exam is now complete (my free legal advice on families: stay away from 'em). This leaves me with just one more test in my tenure at the Institute of Advanced Pirate Studies. Yep as of Noon tomorrow I will have been properly examined on my knowledge of Complex Litigation, and then there's nothing left to do but pick up my sheepskin this Saturday. I don't really have any emotions on this at all right now. I think I've been living in the tunnel so long that I've forgotten what it's like in the real world.

Well, I'm off to the library to grind the minute details of Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 23(b) just a bit deeper into my brain. I'll let you know how it goes.

Live From Lutsen, part one

A slug of us have saddled up the ponies and gone the Sea Villas in Lutsen, Minnesota for the weekend. Last night involved a bonfire on the shore, much like the photo on the left, minus the children and the wholesome music being played on an acoustic guitar. Two big concepts that have emerged from this summit on the shore are:

• What would happen if our pets finally figured out that we are made of meat? Personally, I can't the image of a certain Staffordshire Bull Terrier gleefully running through the halls of the Scooby Doo Mansion with my severed arm gripped firmly in his bloody maw. Be afraid, be very afraid.
• Hobosexuals: people who are persistently attracted to people who are waaaay beneath them.

More updates, and real photos, forthcoming.

All study and no pillaging makes me go something something...

concerned reader (symoblized by the parrot): ummm, go crazy?

Me: Don't mind if I do! Blaaaaaarghh!

Sorry, gentle readers, this is about all the more steam I've got right now. My final final (ever) is May 9th. After that I'm never going to learn a damn thing again. There will be much rejoicing, and I promise more interesting posts. Once I'm done once and for all with The Institute for Advanced Pirate Studies, there will be pillaging and blogging about pillaging for all - so stay tuned!