What do you mean we need to leave?

While avoiding studying for my Family Law final, I found this photo of myself (L) and Captain Shawn (R) moments before we caused Tomkin and Claire to seriously question their decision to move into Lex-Ham. Captain Shawn appears regularly in the pages of Petite Flower. Yep, not only has he gone out in public wearing a tan corduroy suit, and the dreaded socks and sandals combo - he's a man who uses a foam beer cozy for this Grain Belt.
He's ours and we ain't tradin'!

Prof. Libenson and Mr. Sulu

Professor Daniel J. Libenson of the Institute of Advanced Pirate Studies recently met with George Takei while George was in the Twin Cities as part of his Equality Trek tour.

May they both live long and prosper.

I admit it: I am one slothful blogger

Yep, that's me on the left, crawling through the rain forest inch by agonizing inch, slow as molasses.
The people have spoken, and the people have made it very clear that they're sick of looking at crazy moustaches. Hell, I'm sick of looking at crazy moustaches.
For what it's worth, I've been busy with my piratical (is that a word?) duties, as I am about to wrap up my education at the Institute of Advanced Pirate Studies once and for all and I should officially have my P.D. (piratus doctor) degree in a few short weeks. Lectures are now over and I just have to get through a few final exams. Rest assured however, that this pirate will neither abandon his ship nor abandon his blog. Keep checking in regularly for a world where negroni-guzzling pirates and breakdancing wombats not only co-exist peacefully, but are united in a mutual hatred for squirrels.

Gentlemen, start your moustaches!

That's right, the next World Beard and Moustache Championship is only a year and a half away. On September 1, 2007 a new 'Stache-master of planet earth will be crowned. That lucky fella could be you! I've provided some inspiring photos and some peeks at the competition above. Here is a graphic example of the categories available for the moustache competition. I'm trying to decide between the English and the Handlebar myself. See ya in Brighton!
The Chap provides news and advice for debonair moustacheketeers everywhere.
Salon ran this great article about Las Vegas' annual Mustacho Basho.
Best of all Cheappop rates celebrity moustaches, using the Bert-ometer 5000.

Help save the Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat.

Yeah, I know there's a lot of worthy causes out there trying to get you to donate your hard-earned shekels to them, but how many of them are trying to save the critters pictured above? That's right, none of 'em.
Friends, I want you to meet the Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat (not to be confused with the Southern Hairy Nosed Wombat). This magnificent beast is hanging on by a thread in the Epping Forest of Queensland, Australia. I'll let the Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service give you the scoop:

"The northern hairy-nosed wombat is the most endangered mammal living in Queensland, as only 113 wombats live in one small protected area... Help is on the way, as a major recovery program seeks to increase the animal's numbers and to create new populations to ensure its long-term survival.

The greatest threat to the northern hairy-nosed wombat's survival is the low number of wombats and the fact that all occur in one population.

A major threat which has just become apparent is predation. In 2000 and 2001, despite the presence of a regular baiting program, ten northern hairy-nosed wombats were killed by dingoes. This equates to nearly 10 per cent of the population! In response to this threat, QPWS built a dingo-proof fence around all wombat habitat on Epping Forest NP in 2002 to permanently protect the population.

The low number of wombats has led to inbreeding which produces generally unhealthier animals. This also means a disease such as toxoplasmosis (found in cat faeces) or a natural disaster, such as a prolonged drought, could have a serious affect on the wombat population.

Since 1993, the Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service has been running a major recovery program for the northern hairy-nosed wombat. This is jointly funded by the Australian and Queensland Governments with extra help from corporate sponsors and public donations.

Research into the wombat's habitat includes attempts to improve the quality of food by burning, slashing and fertilising feeding areas. Long-term monitoring programs designed to find out whether changes are occurring in the type of food over time.

Other research projects include a study of the environment and architecture of northern hairy-nosed wombat burrows, the development of translocation techniques on southern hairy-nosed wombats to prepare for establishment of a second wild population, and reproductive studies in the wild and in captivity on closely related southern hairy-nosed wombats . One of the aims of the reproductive study is to develop techniques to cross-foster pouch young between wombat mothers.

If the southern hairy-nosed wombat can be used to raise the pouch young of their own species, they could also be used to raise the pouch young of the northern-hairy nosed wombat. This would allow the northern hairy-nosed wombat mothers to breed more frequently, while their young are cared for by their southern "aunties."

These northern pouch young could then be released back into the northern hairy-nosed wombat population after being reared by their foster mothers."

How can you help?
Two things are crucial to the survival of this species.

• a rapid increase in the size of the population in Epping Forest National Park.
  
• the establishment of a second wild population.

The Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service is searching for potential sites where a second population could be established. If you know of a suitable site with deep sandy soils, or the past distribution of the northern-hairy nosed wombat, we would be very interested to hear from you.

The Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service is working hard to protect this species and to determine strategies to prevent its extinction.

Respecting all wildlife in their natural habitat will ensure this endangered animal, and all other animals, get a fair go.

Continuing research and management studies, captive breeding, and establishing captive and wild populations should help to ensure the animal's survival and long-term future.

Donations can be made to the:
Wombat Survival Fund
C/- Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service
PO Box 3130
Rockhampton Shopping Fair Qld 4701
Tel: (07) 4936 0511
Email: wombat@epa.qld.gov.au"

Breakdance fever sweeps the mansion

My mystifying inability to catch baseball fever finally has a rational explanation: I've caught breakdance fever instead!
First of all, I accidentally came across this blog by Earth Dance - The Best Damn Breakdancing School in Sarawak, Malaysia. I hope I get invited to their next X-mas party, because the food looks crazy good. Seriously.
Then I came across two breakin' classics in itunes: "That's the Joint" by The Funky Four Plus One (featuring what must be one of the earliest female rap performances ever - not to mention that this song was sampled on the Beastie Boys' magnum opus, Paul's Boutique); and "The Birthday Party" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. If this song doesn't have you searching for a piece of cardboard box to start spinning on, you may as well be a zombie.
And now, to complete the trifecta - you MUST see this video of some German kid doing the robot at school talent show. Unbefreakinglievable.

It's official: Chimpanzees are making more money than me.

This article confirms what I've suspected all along - that somewhere, a chimpanzee is sitting on a huge pile of money (maybe even Spanish dubloons!) and laughing at me:

"Chimp compensation is on the rise, animal trainers and ad agency creatives said, because a recent surge of retirements has created a primate shortage. And that-paired with marketers' still potent urge to tap chimps and orangutans to hawk job listings, light beer and stock brokerages-is driving prices up.
...
And Marshall Ross, executive creative director at CareerBuilder's agency, Cramer-Krasselt, Chicago, said the cost of using chimps has risen as much as 30% since the popular ads started running in 2004. "It's a great time to be a working chimp," he noted.
...
A spokeswoman for Steve Martin's Working Wildlife, now Hollywood's largest ape handler, said the cost of using its chimps rose 25% last year, to $1,000 per day from $800. "They're working more, too," she said."

Discussion topic: what other animals are out-earning The Pirate of Selby Avenue? (please tell me it's not squirrels)

Village Person to visit village jail

Sadly and ironically, the guy who was the official face of law enforcement in the Village People is now looking at some hard time:

"SAN FRANCISCO - The singer who dressed as a policeman in the flamboyant late 1970s disco band Village People has been arrested after disappearing while drug and gun charges against him were pending, officials said Monday.

Victor Willis, who co-wrote some of the band’s hits such as “In the Navy” and “YMCA” has had a number of run-ins with the law since he left the group in 1980 and now faces as much as five years in prison, said Morley Pitt, assistant district attorney in San Mateo County south of San Francisco.

Easily remembered for their outlandish costumes including a construction worker, a policeman, a cowboy and a leather-clad biker, the Village People were one of the best known bands of the disco era. Their song “YMCA” is also a favorite gay anthem."

Discussion topic: which village person are you? I think for me it's a toss-up between the construction worker or the cowboy. The Leather Guy scared me when I was a kid.

Around the Horn, April 1

Here's the stories that have caught my attention after being rudely awakened by a barking Staffordshire Bull Terrier:

• Bilgemunky pleads with uber-pirate Johnny Depp on behalf of all mortal men to just dial it back a little bit;
• Riots, strikes, and bidets - oh my! Voix de Michele is bringing 26 impressionable children to France. Although, I hear that civil disorder season is a lovely time of year over there;
• Saint Paul bars are now 100% non-smoking;
• and new Twins pitcher Francisco Liriano does his part to make sure that Minnesota does not face an epidemic of baseball fever this spring by getting himself arrested for drunk driving just a few days before the season opener.