Just like Jay Z, I have but three simple requests:

Mo' Money


Mo' Cash


Mo' Ho's

I'm frightened. Hold me.

I don't know who this guys is, but I do know that stabbing two enraged lions in the head simultaneously is about as badass as it gets.

From Muppetz ta G's

Being kitchenless (until recently) and also being on a fairly relentless work schedule, has led to me spending what little downtime I have in ways I'm not exactly proud of. Specifically, I've been watching a lot of crappy reality competition shows that were developed to entertain 17-year-olds with promising futures working in sales at Spencer's Gifts. Even more specifically, I've been watching VH1's utterly shameless I Love Money and MTV's craptacular From G's to Gents. I have no dignity.

The concept of From G's to Gents is that host Fonzworth Bentley (yes, I am totally certain that was his given name at birth) has embarked upon a Pygmallionesque quest to transform a ragamuffin band of uncouth urban youths (the forementioned G's) into suave, urbane sophisticates. In the first episode, a G named "Pretty Ricky" (not the street name I would choose for myself if I really thought that incarceration might be in my immediate future), distinguished himself by urinating on the walls of Mr. Bentley's home. See- classy, enlightening entertainment all the way.

Anyhoo, this video of Bert and Ernie going through a reverse transformation: from mellow "roomates" to hard-bangin' G's amused the bejeebers out of me. Enjoy.



stolen from Skidzilla

Random Awesomeness

Okay, I understand how the Thrush pipes helped you get the the two disco hotties - I mean, that's just simple science. But what's up with the sinister character in the black cloak? I think she's gonna slip something in your Harvey Wallbanger and steal your bitchin' van, dude. Seriously, watch out. I don't care if she reminds you of Stevie Nicks.


Tell me the guy in the upper right isn't Will Ferrell. Or is it just that Will has captured the cheezy 70's look so well that now all genuine cheezy 70's guys look like Will Ferrell to us? These are the ponderous questions that keep me up at night. Well, that and dog farts.


I tried to play Dance Dance Revolution with my boss's ten-year-old last year and she totally destroyed me. I think Waltz Waltz Revolution might be more my speed.


That's right suckas! Original German Gangstaz front the sausage and pretzel bling! You best respect.


Once I invent the time machine this party will be my first stop. Seriously.

A Farewell to Shadies: A Pictorial Retrospective of the Most Entertaining Neighbors Ever

Once upon a time, Lex-Ham was home to a family who were not real slim, but were pretty damned shady. We just called 'em the Shady Bunch or the Shadies for short. Their house was Chez Shady. And at the center of all the action at Chez Shady was Erik Shady, a guy who just loved keepin' it real.

Yup, that Erik was some real dope-ass gangzta shiznit. He also enjoyed a slice of cake from time to time.

The matriach of the Shady Bunch was Beth Shady. She, also, is westsiiiiiide!

And who could forget those charming little scamps the Shadies were raising to be upstanding, high-achieving, productive members of society? We're gonna miss you crazy kids.

Sometimes a guy we just called High as Hell would come over. Sometimes we could hear the Shadies and HaH having spirited roundtable discussion about exactly how they were all related. It got pretty complicated. Kinda like the McGlaughlin Group or the Algoquin Roundtable, except with more 24 ozers of Steel Reserve Malt Liquor.

And who could forget Uncle Tony? - a mild psychopath who, oddly enough, might have been the closest thing Chez Shady had to a responsible adult.

Sometimes the Shadies would have awesome parties featuring feats of strength. That is, if you consider dusting off a case of Steel Reserve tallboys to be a feat of strength.

So long and happy trails to you, Shadies. We just know you're going to love getting to know your new neighbors - the Mullets.

And so we, the awesome residents of the Scooby Doo Mansion, raise a toast of white wine and shrimp cocktail to you, the Shady Bunch. It's been real, yo.

This post is strictly 4 the gangstaz

Before reading any further, stop and ask yourself if your gangsta quotient is equal to or higher than that of this OG:

I don't really have any deep thoughts to share with all y'all today, so I think the best I can give you is a random jumble of things I'm digging on right:

• Friday Night Fish Fry at The Groveland Tap. One of my many weaknesses is for batter-fried sea critters - and the Tap does it just right. Ten bucks gets you a pint of Summit and endless baskets of cod. Just kill me now.
• Guided By Voices - "I am a Tree."
• Hockey. Goddamn am I loving hockey right now. I don't care if it's NHL, college, high school, men, women, or a couple of kids on a frozen pond. If it involves a puck and ice, I wanna see it.
• Husker Du - "Celebrated Summer." I saw Bob Mould play this one live on Wednesday and it was definitely one of the highlights of the show. The Husker Du albums New Day Rising and Flip Your Wig were pretty the soundtrack to my summer in 1988 - and ya know what, they both still sound pretty damn good today - which is better than I can say for Join the Army by Suicidal Tendencies. The funny thing is that Husker Du actually broke up over the '87-'88 winter, so I was in this weird position of becoming smitten with a band that had fallen apart just before I had a chance to see them. I ran into bassist Greg Norton that summer at the Wabasha Street Northern Lights (that's right folks, we actually used to have record store downtown). The conversation, to my eternal embarassment, went a little bit like this:
• Young Pirate: Hey, you're Greg Norton!
• Greg: yep.
• Young Pirate: You were in Husker Du!
• Greg: yep.
• Young Pirate: You guys broke up!
• Greg: yep.
• Young Pirate: That sucks!
• Greg: yep.
  

Sorry, Greg.

• Minnesota Kitsch. If you know me, you know I'm a huge Minnesota "statriot" (y'know, kinda being a patriot, but for a state). My recent voyage to an undisclosed location only confirmed my love for the land of sky blue waters. Lately, I've taken great satisfaction in seeing images like these:
  

• The city of Butte, Montana really doesn't have a whole lot going for it, but at least they picked an awesome name for their football team: