Time to hit the books!

Although I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest lately, I thought I'd relax with a few good books this weekend.


Hey, I think your mom did an awesome job modelling for this cover art. Tell her I said hi.


I hate to rip a fellow pirate, I think the highlander above has the better life. I'm just sayin'.



Why do you think they call it "dope"?

Ok, this the first time I've seen a backcover blurb that read "FULL OF MEAT!" Is this a book or a basement freezer?

Dammit! In a galaxy full of planets, I had crash on one that was full of #&$%*!! virgins!

Hey, Homicidal Virgin, maybe you can't get laid because you're too damn busy killing people. Here's my hint: less murder, more Barry White albums. Just a suggestion.

You got served, Umlaut!

Check it out:

A N O P E N L E T T E R
T O U M L A U T .

October 13, 2003

Dear Umlaut,

You think you're so damn cool, huh? Just hanging out, chillin', above all those vowels. You're all, "Ooh, look at me, I'm a chic umlaut. I make girls' names look modish, like Zoë and Chloë, and I rock with strung out '80s metal bands!"

Well, guess what? You're only an umlaut if you're modifying the pronunciation of a singular vowel, like in "Führer" or "über." If you're stressing the second of two consecutive vowels or one that would usually be silent according to common English usage, you're just a plain old boring dieresis. How 'bout that, you naïve jackass? God, you're such a poseur, umlaut. You're nothing but two measly dots. You're a Eurotrash colon lying down. Nobody thinks you're cool.

Sincerely,
Josh Abraham
Kew Gardens, NY