Fashion Cage Match - PLAYOFF ROUND: People from New Jersey vs. People at a Sci-Fi Convention

Gentlemen, for your own sakes I hope you remain law-abiding at all times -because you are officially too damned pretty for prison.

But, if you should end up incarcerated, this guy will be there to meet you.

Guys, did you take a look in the mirror before you headed out for the evening?

I'm not sure how this is happening, but it's happening.

Beauty may only be skin-deep, but sometimes plastic surgery and steroid abuse go all the way through.

I think these guys are about to run in the Sci-fi Marathon. More power to 'em. I wonder if they call it "the Kessel run"?

Oompa loompa oopiddy doo.

Aye yai yai!

I still would like a further explanation about the "ease the seat back" spoken word soliloquy in Van Halen's "Panama." Creepy Jersey-edition David Lee Roth, would you care to explain?

I was wondering when Wonder Woman and Dr. Strange were going to finally get together. Oh wait, they live in two complete different comic book universes. He's from Marvel, she's from DC. I'm afraid that this photo is evidence of a very serious rift in the space-time continuum.

They start 'em young in Jersey.

Hello Vader.

Kid, unless your name is L'il Mama, I suggest you rethink the lip gloss strategy. Love the penciled-on beard though. Really butches it up for ya.

Your mom's costume remains awesome.

It's an old New Jersey tradition to celebrate Christmas by spray-painting your face orange.

Jedi Knights, on the other hand, honor baby Jesus with a delicious and wholesome meal from Taco Bell.

Speedo? Actually, spee-don't.
Please.


Sir, I'm afraid we're going to have cite you for wearing spandex without a license.
P.S. love the sandals. They say "action!"

This is what the Incredible Hulk would look like if he was from Jersey.

Fortunately, Tron Guy is here to protect us if the Jersey Hulk gets... angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Seriously, what is up with New Jersey guys and the lips?


Gentlemen, whatever your question may be (and I do mean whatever), the answer is a resounding "yes!"

Fashion Cage Match: People Going to Prom vs. People Going to a Sci Fi Convention

ROUND ONE:

Funny, I don't remember marinating myself in carrot juice before my prom night, but maybe that's how it's done in Staten Island. I'm just a humble Midwesterner, I can't keep up with those fancy New York City ways.

These people aren't Sci-Fi Conventioneers at all. This is actually a photo of my Wednesday night Presbyterian church group, circa 1988. I'm the one in costume.

ROUND TWO:

Hey, check out this awesome photo I found of your mom's prom date.

Well, there's no denying that ladies do love the Skeletor look.

ROUND THREE:
Well, I've never seen it before. But I guess we have to give her some points for originality for coming up with the "wrap yourself in Charmin for prom night" look. Cuh-lass-ee!

Aw crap, I hate dealing with drunken off-duty stormtroopers.

ROUND FOUR:

Y'know, there's nothing I find more annoying than somebody going to prom pregnant and trying to hide it. I admire this woman's frankness and candor.

Nice matching gray hoodies, guys. Way to color-coordinate.


ROUND FIVE:

After enjoying an intimate slow dance to REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore," this handsome couple will be field dressing and skinning an eight-point buck.

This woman on the other hand, has apparently been crapped upon by eighty foot tall eight-point buck.

Start smoking, or this man will glare you into humiliating submission.

Damn, you can just about smell the testosterone and barely suppressed homicidal rage emanating right off the page. This may be the ultimate "Smoking: When You Just Don't Give a Shit Anymore" advertisement.

Have an awesome Thanksgiving!

Notice the absence of any knife in this photo?

Uh-oh, I better start taking the coming Zombie Apocalypse more seriously

According to this quiz, my odds of surviving the zombie apocalypse aren't exactly great:

55%

Awesome Album Covers: Those Silly Foreigners Edition

Apparently, somebody thought it would be a good idead to clone Jay Manuel and have his doppelgangers (how ya like that use of foreign vocabulary?) start a band that wore matching shiny pink suits. And you know what? That somebody was right!


Friends, I'm not going to lie to you - Heino pretty much scares the living shit out of me.


To this day, the debate rages between Zamfir fans: Which Zamfir do they like better - the yound, skinny rebellious Zamfir or the older, fatter sequined jumpsuit-wearing Zamfir?


I had no idea Jackie Torture could play the xylophone. (That's a little inside-baseball for the the Lex-Ham folks.)


Hey Guadalajara Brass, I don't quite know how to break this to you, but Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and used a functional vehicle.

Dammit! All those years I spent playing guitar, and now I find out that what French whores truly love is a man who can play the accordian. You've got a mighty sweet life, Jo Basile.

Mi nombre es Barretto. Ray Barretto.