Friday Randomness

Friday is here, and frankly my dear, I'm too lazy to organize these pictures into any kind of coherent category. We've got ourselves some signs gone wrong, some adventures best not chosen, leisure suits, prom photos, and even another moran. Enjoy:

You know that's only begging for more, don't you?



What that leisure suit calls for is a nice frilly cravat.

I admit it: I am the alter-ego of the little known superhero, Nap Man. My super power is an astounding ability to take very pleasant naps while wearing spats, a monocle, and a top hat. I know that with great power comes great responsibility, so I will use my powers only to fight evil.

If you love Revenge of the Nerds as much as AC and I do, this photo can do nothing other than warm your shriveled little heart. Take that, Alpha Betas!

There's a school somewhere teaching gambling? By Zeus's beard, why wasn't I allowed to attend there, instead of my lame-ass school where all I did was learn reading, writing, and arithetic? I tell ya what, I haven't used that arithetic I learned at all.

Revenge of the Awesome Album Covers

Yeah, Jim Post, sure you love your life. Sure you do.
Y'know, there's about a hundred captions I want to use here, but I think I'll just let discretion be the better part of blogging valor tonight.

Ditto with the Braillettes. Just 'cause they're blind doesn't mean they don't know how to rock.

Okay, I dig the big fur hat. I even dig the welding googles or whatever it is the guy on the right is wearing. But Wig Wam? You named your band Wig Wam? Were you huffing gas or something when you thought of that?

I think that "Elves Revolt" was my favorite track on this album.

Indeed, like a rare diamond, Roger has many facets - and I can only be dazzled by his brilliance.

Ken, I'd like to request that you stop being so damn creepy looking. Thanks.
Your Friend,
The Pirate of Selby Avenue

p.s. Nice 'stache!

Why do I get the feeling that the Jon & Robin Elastic Event mostly consists of huffing gas in the back of Jon's custom van?

Choose your own #&*@!$! adventure, Part 1

When I was about 9, I really dug on Choose Your Own Adventure books. So, imagine my delight upon finding these slightly re-imagined versions of the classics I grew up with (and promptly stole from somethingawful.com), which I now share with you, gentle reader:

You win, T-ROY, you win

With no further ado, here is the Tommy Seebach video that T-ROY has been clamoring for:


I take no responsibility for any ridiculous ethnic stereotyping contained in this video. If you've got a problem, take it up with the dirty Dane himself.

Speek Inglush riel gud!

Speaking of "morans,"

Mitt Romney sure ends up in some funny photos

For the record, this is not a political blog and isn't going to become one. If you know me, you know where I stand. Having said that, this Mitt Romney character sure manages to end up in some strange photographs.

Would you like a sundae with your colonoscopy?
Okay, clever rhyme and all. But really, how hard is it spell "momma" correctly?

Naturally, that made me think of this guy:

Hey! Who wants to see some awesome album covers?

Obviously, this album cover was shot before a Youthquake measuring 8.4 on the Richter scale decimated the city.

Obviously, the key to being "on the happy side" is wearing red socks. Oh yeah, and lots and lots of 'ludes.

Okay, I'm not totally sure which one is Mouth and which one is MacNeal, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that the hirsute gentleman just might be Mouth. I see an Old Country Buffet, my friend.

Clearly, Tommy Seebach was one of the great, under-appreciated musical geniuses of the 20th Century. However, he came up a little bit short in the great, under-appreciated moustaches of the 20th Century category.

See, Arnold Stang understands the importance of red socks. And apparently the 'ludes have been kicking in nicely as well. My question is who wins a staring contest between the wolf and Ferdinand the Bull?

Horrifying Wedding Images and a Shameless Plug

For those of you who don't know him, Lex-Ham's very own Rev. Tomkin "Minnesota's Wedding Minister" Coleman is a professional wedding officiant. That's right, if you won't want that special day ruined by Father Feely McWhiskeybreath over at Our Lady of Perpetual Disappointment but you still want to have a guy in a collar make sure everything's kosher, Tomkin's yer clergyman. Well, the good reverend now has a blog detailing his vast knowledge of the ins and outs of planning a wedding. Post-wedding ins and outs you're gonna have to figure out for yourself. Sorry, couldn't resist that one. Seriously, if you're getting hitched or you know somebody who is, go check it out.

None can resist the power of KEYTAR!

Apparently Dog the Bounty Hunter also knows how to shred the keytar.


What's better than a band with a keytar? A band with THREE keytars!

Some keytars may only be approached with a helmet and welder's mask.

Dude, I know you think you're Bertie Higgins, but you're soooo not Bertie Higgins. No Key Largo for you!

Uncategorizable Awesome Album Covers

I hope the monkey isn't next.

Finally, bathrooms that come to you! Seriously, I will buy a flagon of the finest grog to anybody who explain to me what this album is about.

I also would like to be buried wearing a fez and with a giant 8 ball. I'd especially like to pop up in the casket and belt out a really snazzy trumpet solo. Although, I think the facts that I'll probably be dead and that I don't know how to play the trumpet may hinder my plans somewhat. The fez is totally doable, however.

Although Joe Vento may have many moods, I'm guessing that his dominant emotion is "Awesome suit? Check. Cool hair? Check. Go-go Dancer? Ditto -- Thank God I'm Joe Vento!"

When I finally record the Greatest Rock and Roll Record Ever, I'll try to make sure the album cover does not include a photo my wearing a napkin the size of a bedsheet, mouth agape in anticipation of gnawing on a giant turkey leg.

Butterfly nets: helping sexy mental health professional keep lunatics like Somethin' Smith from harming himself and others since 1952.

Doug takes awesomeness to a whole new level

How much you wanna bet Doug's awesome van has Thrush Pipes on it?

John McCain Hates "Gay" Sweaters

Read all about it here:

In the final days of his imploding candidacy, John McCain has taken a page out of Richard Nixon's play book, finding increasingly bizarre explanations for his political failures. Strangest of all: He reportedly feels his handlers forced him to wear "gay sweaters."

According to one insider, the knit-picking was the crescendo of a tirade by the Arizona senator, in which he blistered aides about the minutiae of the campaign. While many septuagenarians live in a perpetual state of sweater weather, McCain reportedly declared his frustration with being told to don the perceived homosexual outerwear in order to look younger and more approachable.

Seanator McCain, for what's it worth, I don't think the sweater makes you look any gayer than Paddy Roberts' dog. Maybe you're more of a Zubaz kind of guy.

These are a few of my favorite things

Friends, this video by local boys Quarterstance has pretty much got everything I love in it: moustaches, Tom Selleck, St. Paul, and cats wearing clothes. Throw in some monkeys and robots and I could die happy.

Don't hassle The Hoff... or his hawk.

Let this be a warning to all of us: you mess with Hoff, you get the talons!

Awesome Album Covers: Praise the Lord Edition! (Part I)

Hell, I listen to people who are possessed by demons every day. But then again, I work in a law firm.

God may be a killer, but it's A.A. Allen I'm worried about running into in a dark alley.

Speaking of killers, why is my first thought upon seeing this awesome album cover that right after this photo was taken Dwayne doused Dwight with the gasoline he's carrying and let his Zippo do the rest?

Jesus loves Marcy, but what Marcy really loves is quaaludes. Lots and lots of 'ludes.

I'll admit it: I owned a bootlegged cassette tape of this album in 1985. And yes, it was every bit as awesome as it looks.

I have too much love for Tammy Faye to insert any kind of snarky smack-talk here. You're on your own, gentle reader.


Yeah, Butch is gonna swing that gospel axe alright. He's gonna swing it RIGHT INTO YOUR SKULL! P.S. I kinda wish I was a member of Upbound, so I could get a sweet denim vest. Denim vest + Thrush pipes on your custom van = chick magnet. It's just simple science.

Hey, Christian Crusaders, the clue phone is ringing. Yeah, it's saying that you guys should lose the ties and get into some kick-ass denim vests like Butch Yelton and Upbound. Seriously, think about it, 'kay?

Perhaps my slide into heathenry could have been prevented had I been exposed to more brick-smashing evangelizing by Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher.
Well, too late now, I'll see you in hell.